When the offender does not live in the home, visitation may be allowed. If the offender is in treatment or under supervision, guidelines may come from those sources. However, if the offender has not been convicted and/or is no longer on supervision or in treatment, it is the mother's responsibility to maintain the safety of the children. The following rules are helpful as guidelines for both home visits and family visits outside the home.
Rules for Home Visits (adapted from Meinig & Saunders, 1995):
- The offender never enters a child's bedroom.
- The offender uses a separate bathroom, one not used by children, whenever possible.
- All family members lock the bathroom door after entry.
- The offender must be within eyesight at all times while he is in the home.
- The offender is not to control children's activities.
- The offender is not to discipline or otherwise confront children regarding any misbehavior.
- The offender is not to sit next to children.
- The offender is not to sit with a child on his lap.
- The offender is never to be involved with any physical hygiene involving a child.'
- The offender is never to criticize or compliment a child's physical appearance, including hair, clothing, or makeup, unless the child specifically asks the offender for an opinion.
- The offender is never to engage in horseplay and never to tickle a child.
Rules for Overnight Visits (adapted from Meinig & Saunders, 1995):
- All bedroom doors must have locks. Children have the option or locking their doors.
- The offender is fully clothed at all times when he is outside the bedroom or bathroom.
- The offender cannot be awake, up, and in other areas of the house if his wife is asleep.
- If the offender needs to get up during the night, such as going to bathroom, he must wake his wife.
- The offender is never to be left alone with the children. He is to be outside the home if the wife is away and children are at home for any reason.
- The offender must leave the home if children invite their friends to spend the night. If the parents of the visiting child are aware of the offender's history and give permission for their child to stay, then the offender can remain in the home, but always under supervision.
Rules for Family Visits Outside the Home (adapted from Meinig & Saunders, 1995):
- The offender is never left alone with children.
- The offender is never to discipline children. The mother is responsible for disciplining the children. She is also responsible for administering any rewards.
- The offender is not to discuss the abuse in any way with the children. Any discussion of that type must take place in a setting that includes a treatment professional.
- The offender will minimize physical contact with the children and will initiate NO physical contact with the children. This includes hugs, hand-holding, and kisses.
- The offender will not sit next to children in the car, the restaurant, or in any other place the family visits.
- The offender is not to be around the children's friends.
- The offender is not allowed to have any secrets with the children.
- The offender is not allowed to directly give the children any gifts. These must be given through the mother or the other responsible adult chaperoning the visit.